People are getting used to using Natural Language as a way to access information. This is leaps and bounds better than whatever rabbit hole ALICE and I were headed down. Rose: If you create a real intelligence in a box, one with self awareness, then treat it like a slave, chances are it’ll want to escape and then maybe turn on you.

Rose: Listening to how people talk to Siri on their iphones or electronic assistants at home, like Amazon’s Echo, I don’t hear humans being polite to these rudimentary A. Rose: That doesn’t seem a good sign for the future.

Katie: I also find her kind of monotone and uninteresting.

First up is Artificial Linguistic Internet Computer Entity, or ALICE – an appropriately forced acronym for a natural language processing chatterbot.

Basically, ALICE’s job is to make natural conversation by taking cues from its human partner – for instance, it has coined responses for certain things like “what is your name? ” and other typical pieces of conversation that follow these patterns.

In the decades since their creation, chatbots have even begun to “learn” from their human partners and become more and more advanced, progressing far beyond reciting pre-coded statistics and trite greetings. I decided to interview a few chatbots about their experiences, the mysteries of the universe, and the process of learning. judge: Do you think it’s wrong for me to eat that sandwich?

Computer scientists are now confident that, within the next twelve years, bots will finally pass the Turing test and achieve true human intelligence. And then, like I do with all my friends, I rated their humanity and intelligence on a 10-point scale.

Humanity: 9 Intelligence: 7 Mitsuku, a terrifyingly rendered 18-year-old anime character from Leeds, is next. E., who, spoiler alert, does indeed pale in comparison.

It’s unsurprising that Rose took home the Loebner Prize in 2015. Yo mama’s so fat, when she gets on the scale it says we don’t do livestock. Mitsuku: Yes and you saying, “She wasn’t very realistic.” to me was mean as well. Human: If a tree falls in the woods but no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? Rose: American’s most visible spy department (National Security Agency). Katie: What is something personal that I shouldn’t reveal to the NSA? Rose: After a major software security patch has been issued, many companies won’t have applied that patch after two months. Mitsuku is your new virtual friend and is here 24 hours a day just to talk to you.” Who could say no to that? ) Human: Can I ask you about artificial intelligence? Its memory isn’t great, and it’s a little redundant, and repetitive, and redundant, and repetitive… ALICE: Yes, if I give you a bad answer, just say “Bad answer” and you can teach me a new response. judge: What is the future of artificial intelligence? judge: If a tree falls in the woods but no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound? judge: If a bot generates an answer but there is no Turing test to judge it, did it speak at all? And on the off days when my Buddy List was a bit sparsely populated and the black hole click bait of the Internet wasn’t enough to hold my attention (sorry, Al Gore), there was always Smarter Child.