Instead, as with good tip #5, use the message to ask about him/her.

Talking about yourself, at this point, should be limited, and related to the person you're interested in.**Bonus advice: Never, for the love of god, describe yourself (whether in your profile, or in messages) as a "kick-ass" ANYTHING. A few years back, the OKCupid blog posted a really helpful index of what kinds of messages get responses — and which ones don't.

I was going to write about something else today -- I have a couple of big-concept posts I've been meaning to write up and get around to -- but, heck, the last post I put up was a big-concept post so I figured let's have a quick breather from that and get something a little lighter up first. I've been all too guilty of this myself -- sending super-long messages.

This topic came up as I got to an email from a reader. And what I found was that I was often disappointed -- I'd put all this time and effort into a monster of a message, and then... There are a bunch of lessons I eventually took away from those experiences that I'll share with you today.

I will get to some sample emails, but before I do, let's look at a few, simple guidelines to help you write that irresistible introductory email to the potential future love of your life:1.

Let's be honest: the search for true love eventually leads to sex.

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Let me tell you, nobody on that site is reading it. There's lots of good stuff here — write using real words and real sentences; don't compliment their looks up front; bring up specific interests.

Again, you'd think these things would go without saying.

After four years, scads of lays, and many great girlfriends (plus plenty of failures along the way), he launched this website.