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To get a sense of how awkward this looks, here's a video that is supposed to be a parody of people with Asperger's interacting with each other. I mean you should masturbate.” I didn't know what to do. I spent the whole evening talking about how hot she is. How are we going to have sex if we keep putting it off? There has to be a game or something.” I said, “Okay. Then he started using other sorts of hand signals (open-outcry hand-signals are way more than just market indicators, believe me.) He flashed the sign for do you want to have lunch (spooning food into mouth for “eat” coupled with pretending to break something between your hands, for “break”). That didn't just make him pursue me with more fervor. We had sex, but he didn't like that it was messy, and I liked writing about it better than doing it. There are little cues you give the other person, a careful touch in a spot you don't usually touch, a kiss that is a kiss that means this-is-not-a-goodnight-kiss, a pointed question like, did the kids fall asleep? He said, “I want to have sex.” I said, “Okay.” Then I said, “Hold it. There needs to be something else.” So we went back to the dance. But a lot of times, he gives one nonverbal cue, like breathing warm and wet next to my ear. I curl up in a ball and tell him I'm too anxious to have sex. I would say, “He's so good in bed.” And now you know what I mean.

But my family has such a high proportion of people with Asperger's that this video, honestly, is not far from what our life is like. I only need one finger to move one inch back and forth to masturbate. I told him I thought all the other women were faking it for him because masturbation is not visual. I did not realize that this exchange meant that I had to be the aggressor in bed. We can't do this whole date and not kiss.” She said, “I need you to seduce me.” I said, “What? We had sex two times in six years after we had a kid. These are tiny cues that have to come with other, tiny cues. And I tried to pay close attention to nonverbal cues and then respond with the appropriate nonverbal cue.

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Asperger Syndrome compromises one's ability to read nonverbal social cues.

A simple example of this deficit is answering the question, “How are you? If you don't learn the rules for navigating, life gets boring and repetitive.

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