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I couldn’t reconcile the fact that I’d said yes to the sex but no to sex without a condom.
I didn’t realize until two years later that that wasn’t okay.
Astrid: I have been married twice (with a child from my second marriage).
I have been beaten by both of my husbands and raped (only once, at least as far as I remember) by my first husband.
Finally, about eight years after it happened, I got sick of that.
I can’t say I’m over it—you never are—but I made a decision not to assume every guy has the potential to be that guy, to not be nervous and scared, and it has helped.
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I am trying to not let the past experience of physical violence impact my sex life. I have been working with a wonderful, caring therapist ever since my second marriage came to an end, and I am quite confident that I won’t fall into the same traps again.
Perhaps I am now too cautious and have blocked decent, kind possible partners from my life in the last years—but I’d rather err on the side of caution these days. I am 47 years old and at least the rape I encountered is more than twenty years in the past.
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